Stop Apologizing For Your Success

  •  Do you feel you need to choose between your family and your business?
  •  Do you feel guilty for spending so much time away from family and friends to reach your dream?
  • Are you afraid if you keep moving forward with your goals that you may ruin your intimate relationship or damage your children in the process?

The great dissonance felt by female entrepreneurs never ceases to amaze me.  They feel guilty for trying to follow their dream, for putting in the hours necessary to build a thriving business, for achieving financial and emotional independence.

I can’t tell you how often I hear: “I am afraid I’m hurting my children,” “I feel guilty because I need to work so many hours”, “I feel guilty and afraid because I have to travel and leave my family for a few days.”

 

Unfortunately, I believe women have been “conditioned” not to outshine the people around them. Women have been taught to be “good girls,” to not to be too loud, too tall, too bright, too outspoken, too strong, and too ambitious. Many women believe that there must be a very bad consequence if they become “too much” of something.

 

Unfortunately women, (myself included), have learned that if we can suffer, if we are struggling, if we feel guilty,  if we are the victims of our circumstances, we will get sympathy, empathy and love from others instead of jealousy.

Ask yourself a simple question: What would happen if a woman entered a room with a very strong confident presence, looking fabulous and put-together, and announced how much money she earns, how many planes she owns, how many cars she just bought, how many parties she attended, and how many trips she took? She’d likely would be resented. People would hate her and criticize her. They’d be jealous. They would spread rumors about her.

What would happen if a man did the same thing? That man would receive a completely opposite response—he’d be applauded, idolized, and appreciated.

Here’s why the two responses differ so much:

1) Men do not apologize for making money. Making money is expected of them. The more money they make the more celebrated they are.

2). Men don’t find empathy from feeling miserable. They don’t congregate and express personal feelings with other men. If they do, they’re usually told to “man it up.”

3). Men don’t usually apologize for going after their objectives. Traveling, leaving the house to go to work, sometimes spending insane hours at work etc. is widely accepted.

 

On the other hand, think about how a man would feel talking to his buddies if:

–          His wife makes more money than him

–          Travels way more than him

–          Is out of the home on a constant basis

–          His wife sets the rules of the relationship

He’d probably have to come up with a million reasons why his wife is the “one wearing the pants.”  His wife’s success would be directly related to his own lack of success.

So what do we take away from this? This should give us a basic understanding as to why women feel like they have to apologize for being successful. This is why women  fear success. They fear they’ll make it too big, they’ll shine too much, or they’ll receive unwanted attention. We link these achievements to criticism and jealousy. We think it’ll hurt our family and break our personal relationships.

I say it is time to shine the light on this issue and realize what is really happening here. I say:

  • Women need to stop apologizing and start monetizing
  • Women need to stop feeling guilty for shining and start feeling proud for changing
  • Women need to stop criticizing  themselves for shining and start congratulating themselves for paving the path for the next generation
  • Women need to stop sympathizing with each other and start supporting creating a sisterhood of support among themselves

 

There is no better way to help others shine and grow than by shining and growing yourself, first.

 

So go ahead, shine your light and shine it bright

It is OK.

You are not alone.

We have your back.

 

To your Infinite Success